Posted by: Bill | September 30, 2009

If I were ever to Twitter…

…this is the first person I would follow. Please excuse the vulgarity, but shitmydadsays made me laugh harder than I have in a long time. Heather and I were both in tears…literally. Here is your preview of a few of them that I plan to use at some future date. Remember, there is no need to actually have a Twitter account for this.

  1. “Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?…That’s her? Yeah, that’s a stripper, son, I don’t give a shit what you say.”
  2. “Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It’s for all the dummies.”
  3. “I’m having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain’t mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil’ fucking umbrella in it”
  4. “Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”
  5. “They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don’t.”

I could easily go on, but I will stop.



  1. Oh. Wow. This really is classic. I just checked this out and can’t stop laughing. A few of my favorites thus far:

    Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don’t ever say stuff just because you think you should. That’s the definition of an asshole.”

    “Jesus Christ, Just give the dog his fucking food. Why’s he gotta do a trick first? YOU don’t have to do shit before YOU eat.”

    “I wanted to see Detroit win. I’ve been there. It’s like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news.”

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